Sometimes I wish life could be more like ICQ. Things would be so much simpler if I could announce my status to the world with a little green flower on my chest like an organic post-it note.

If I was feeling lonely, I could put up a Available sign. And if I was really gagging for company, I could put up the flower with the little smiley face on it, indicating that I'm ready and willing to chat with any Random person, flaunting my desperation to the world. Wouldn't that come in handy down at the pub? No more contemplating into your beer, "I wonder if she's got a boyfriend? Oh hang on! Look at that little yellow smiley face! She's up for it baby! YEAH!"

If I needed to nick off to the shops I could go into Away mode. I'm not home, sorry. Go away! And if the Jehovah's Witnesses were being really persistent, I could put up the more emphatic Not Available so they'd just stick a Watchtower in the mailbox instead of waiting on the doorstep for me to get home.

Then there's the Occupied mode. This would be good for work. People would say, "Oh! Looks like Shauna is occupied. In that case I will keep my stupid computer questions to myself and call the Help Desk instead!"

Do Not Disturb mode is a slightly stronger expression of the above. It's a floral way of saying, "Bugger off and let me wallow!"

Or if that didn't work, I can always go Offline. Yep, the red flower. I'm gone. I've just exiled myself entirely from the world for awhile.

But best of all would be Invisible mode. That little heiroglyphic looking eye would be such a blessing in real life. How wonderful would it be to be able to observe the world, watch people come and go, without them ever seeing you. You'd be a human fly on the wall. Imagine the possibilities! Stalk that guy you're lusting after with no risk of criminal charges. Rob a bank in stealth mode. Spy on your bonking flatmates and fulfil those voyeuristic fantasies without anyone ever knowing what a pervert you are.

Oh yes. Life would be a garden of roses if we could only say it with flowers.