So I was rambling on, as is my fashion, to a poor friend, about Holly Hunter in The Piano, and pondered how she would express her needs in bed, being bereft of speech and all.

At first I reckoned she would write it all down in her little notepad. You know, that locket thingy that she used to attack with short, angry little scribbles throughout the film. Now it would be *scribble scribble* harder! harder *scribble* not like that, you clod! or *scribble scribble* have you got a cigar? or whatever. Clear, to the point, and necessary, because let's face it, there's only so much you can communicate non-verbally. And how easily is non-verbal misinterpreted?

But then, I thought, would the Harvey Keitel character have been literate? I am not sure if the average hill-dwelling savage yet sensitive 19th century kiwi bloke spent much time with the books. So would Holly's desperate scribbles be for naught?

She has two alternatives, as far as I can see. She could just poke him in the eye with that shoddy prosthetic tin finger of hers. That would have to get his attention. Or she could do the old furious sign language gesticulations that she employed in the film, and have her trusty sidekick daughter Anna Paquin to translate in that smug, too-loud little voice of hers. "SHE SAYS TO GET OFF HER! SHE'S GOT A HEADACHE!"