Depression is fucking shit.

We love you Shauny... As someone who has been, and who still is from time to time, in the same boat as you, I'll be with you (well 10,000 miles away) every step of the way. Much love xxx

Jump.

The net will always appear.

And you will feel a great deal better for having left your old job behind.

Oh Miss Shauny. If the woman you spoke to is who I think it is, she's a fucking retard anyway and has no right to be dishing out information on anything. Even if she's not, tell her to fuck off.

Life's too short to feel like this. Come be unemployed with me. -the glorious feeling of not having to take another day in that shithole wears off pretty quick when you're talking to centerlink, but it's worth it, by the sounds of things.

As MissJenJen says, Jump. Might I add Jump quickly.

I love you.

Been there, done that. If your job is making you this miserable you should quit. Then again, if you do quit you might find out that it wasn't the job after all. (I'm not cheering you up at all, am I?) Take care. Have a nice life. Stay down if you want to, don't feel pressured into feeling good all the time. (I'm really not good at this.)

hang in there shauny - deciding to be happy is definitely not the wonder it's made out to be. i hate it when people say that.

i really believe these days that everything happens for a reason [this coming from someone who was devastated at being made redundant in 98, then flew to england and hasn't looked back since] and whatever you decide to do, make sure it's for you.

you deserve to be happy

love,
anne

Miss Shauny, don't think you're a whinebag. I certainly don't. I'm resigning from a job with the most opportunity I've ever had because I feel suffocated...it isn't wrong to do that. That's the only thing to do in that situation.
On a lighter note, have you considered bartending?

if i lead, will you follow?

Like quite a few commenters, not only have I been there, done that; I have confidence that you will find a way through this. Bosses be damned. =)

Shauny, I understand what you are feeling, not wanting to get up in the morning. Sometimes it's not as easy as your boss says, to just make up your mind to not be down. I just want you to know you're not alone...there are many more of us out there going through the same thing! I wish I had more words of encouragement, but I'm still going through it myself :). Just know that we care and you're not alone. Love ya!

shauny,
all the most creative, talented people I know (and if only I could enter that hallowed description) have had ups and downs. often big ones. seems to me - reading your blog and not knowing what kinda work you do - that this is not a good work environment for you. life's really to short to wake up and not want to get up... (I know.. I lost the whole of June and July last year)... it's hard to decide to BE HAPPY but you could maybe think about what you would enjoy more... even if it's being unemployed. speacilly if it's nice weather. and keep writing :)

What the hell is the world comming to, that a person who brings me so much laughter is having such a rough go... It's not right!

I have to go with the others on this. Get on that horse and ride! 24 is not the time to have your self-esteem crushed on a daily basis. (we have high school and our 30's for that thank you!) so run away.

I have a little montra that I like to say.

"when in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout!'

...ok...maybe that wasn't too appropriate...

RUN SHAUNY!!!!

Shauny, as so many others have said, I know how you feel. You have a major case of job burnout. I think your supervisor was right to talk to you and to try to help but that "just-snap-out-of-it" pep talk she gave you is useless. Don't worry about your crying in front of her.

I think the advice you got here about leaving is your best alternative, if all this job has to offer you is typing and filing. I think you need a job that allows you to be more creative. If financially you can't leave right now, pick a date (four months from now?) and promise yourself you'll be out the door by then. Just knowing that you have a finite amount of time left there may help your outlook.

Hope this helps.

If it were that easy to snap out of depression, the world would be a very different place!

I can't tell you what to do. Hell, I can't even offer advice. Maybe you can find consolation that I read your words, listened to you, and I care.

And I hope you can find a way out of it. We're here for you.

Sorry, lurve....

The way society builds us sucks, and corporations with superficial "caring, sharing" attitudes don't help. I treat work as a game and practice my "interested" look to use when I really couldn't give a fuck.
It helps me sometimes to read Fight Club, or watch the movie if the book is not available (book is better though). Really any story about adversity and injustice with some crazy themed japes is enough sometime.
I guess the bottom line is, you're not alone in feeling as you do sometimes..

My my, this is not the Shauny I know of. Anyway. I'm not sure if there is much I can say to console you in this time of.. downness, but I hope you realise how many people lurve you and are inspired by you. You have so many bloody talents and I'm sure every one is always as touched as I am to hear about current affairs in your life. We're all here to have a good chat with as well.

I think all that "pick yourself up off the ground" stuff if a load of bollocks. If you're feeling down, just ride it out and it'll soon be over. I hope. So just take it in your stride..

Remember: we lurrrve you!

Your boss is dumb. If she wasn't, she could have figured out long ago the reason for the headphones and the blank stare. Could have sensed the talent withering and spluttering under the oppressive boredom. Would have thought twice before she presumed to judge you. Your boss is dumb.

Wow, you just described the exact feeling I've gone through on many a job, and I've had a few. I find that these people, like your boss, generally tend to feel this way about you because you care what they think. Ever since grade school, I've only found one solution to this predicament: fuck them (no, not _literally_). The only way I ever gained anyone's respect was by deliberately and definitely not caring what they thought and simply acting on my own principles or instincts. It sounds hard, and it is, but it really is the only way.

Best of luck, I know it's hard to claw oneself out of a rut such as this.

You'll be okay, Shauny. You'll be okay.
I'm sure your boss does care about you (and of course she would, we all do, and I think most of us have never met you!), but grilling your motivations (and mental state) is inappropriate in the workplace. My former boss pulled a similar caringness stunt (where I bawled, simply because I had been ill repeatedly, but the company wouldn't let me take a week off to work from home to try and get better). Anyway, seeing she wasn't really going to do anything to genuinely help me, I shaped up and shipped the hell out of there a month or so later to much better seas. You'll be okay.

Your boss doesn't know what's bst for you- only you do. Follow your heart and all that cliched crap. Luckily, your head and you heart are in the same place- you know you want to leave. it's just your sense of loyalty holding you there. and while loyalty is one of the traits i admire most, there is such a thing as misplaced loyalty. you know what's best for you, don't be afriad to do what you need to.

Sending you the love baby. Just remember, this is temporary. You're not trapped there. It's just what's goin on right now to get you where you will go next.

Hi Shauny,

I don't think the problem is you, I think the problem is the job. If it was a job you loved, that challenged you etc you wouldn't be feeling like this. I sometimes feel the way you do too. There's nothing worse than being stuck in a dead end job being told to tow the line & that you're not good enough when you know you could be doing so much more.
Maybe the best way to deal with it is to make every other bit of your life bigger so that work gets smaller & smaller. Write a book, I'd definitely buy a copy!
Know that you're admired by many.....

Like so many others, I know how you feel. I am just now climbing out of that abyss.

You're right in that only you can bring you out of this, because only you know what is best for you. It's ok to take a few days to yourself to spend some time thinking about where you want your life to go from here.

This doesn't have to be the bottom of the barrel. It could be the impetus you need to go in another direction. Perhaps this is just opportunity dressed in depression.

Take care of yourself, Shauny. And now that you are treasured by so many people.

I wonder if it's true. That if I want to be happy, I'll be happy. Somebody got that idea from somewhere, yet I can't seem to make it work. I need a book for these types of things. Maybe then I'd know the right button combination to not be depressed all the time.

From somebody who's walked out the door and never looked back -- it works. Put comfortable shoes on and do it.

Dear Shauny,

People who just tell you to decide to be happy and then just be happy have usually never had a reason to be unhappy that they haven't repressed, transferred, or just plain ignored. What crap.

I'm not going to be presumptuous and tell you what to do--advice from a stranger would be pretty rude, eh?--but it sounds like the people who do know you have a lot of good advice. I'm just gonna say I'm sending some love your way. It sounds like you need it.

Take care.

Shauny, I'm a professional job hopper - as soon as I get bored (usually after 18 months) I quickly begin scanning want ads. So don't be upset because you don't want to be at your job anymore.

And besides, reviews are the WORST - they butter you up and then bring you down. That's what they're for. So believe the good, ignore the bad, find a new job and I'm sure you'll be fine!

I hope that seeing all of the folks here who so obviously care about you will do something good for your self-esteem and maybe help end your depression. Like everybody else who's been there, I can only add my voice to the chorus: it does get better, it *will* get better. We all love ya and we hate to see you sad.

The only question that I have for you is this: are you really and truly unhappy with your job, or are you just unhappy with your life and frustrated with your job and have the desire to bolt because job-shopping is pretty fungible?

Sorry, I think in these terms. Spending a whole semester caring for the welfare of a bunch of engineers in a class has taught me to check and see if job frustrations are really that or are just a way for us to act out.

Trust me, I've had both--sincere job frustrations and life frustrations that manifest themselves at work.

I'm on your side

Your boss had no business manipulating you that way. It sounds to me like she was trying to get you to "ask" for a change that she was already planning.

Undoubtedly she can affect your life on the job, by virtue of the power her position (not her person) holds. Only you can grant her the ability to affect your self esteem.

Don't let a job do that to you. It's a hard lesson to learn, but eventually you will come to realize that no employer has your best interests at heart, only their own. Don't ever feel bad or guilty about looking out for yourself.

You need a pack of Juicy Fruit. It's the best gum there is. Three weeks into my first job over here (London), I cracked under the enormous pressure in my poorly-run department and tears just started streaming down my face during an important deadline. My manager consoled me for a few minutes, and I was OK, just embarassed that I was crying uncontrollably and frustrated at the archaic procedures I had to follow. Four years later she brings it up in a sentimental "I molded you" talk with me during my last week of work! It wasn't exactly life-changing for me, but it affected her greatly. So let your boss think she's the dog's bollocks for sharing an emotional moment with you while you get on with your life and look elsewhere for fulfillment.

It sucks, but you're not even a little bit stupid, bed is the best place in the world. Why leave?

*hugs*

thanks to you all for being so wonderful. i am getting round to answering comments and emails. so thanks a bunch for listening :)

If this blog is any indication, you've got more to offer than any boss could ever hope to use ;)

The old 'snap out of it' trick is do-able, but kinda hard to learn.

For now, just try to remember how fucking ace you truly are, and that there's nothing at all wrong with you ! :)

i want to tell you to run from that hellhole as quickly as possible, but that make me the biggest hypocrite this side of sydney. i'm in a similar situation. completely unfulfilled. can't get up for work in the morning. not so much depressed anymore, just knowing that i hate the job. but i can't bring myself to refuse that paycheck every week.

i hope you find a way out, of the depression and the job and whatever else is holding you back. and soon. and please let us know when you do, and how it's done.

and if you ever want an understanding listener, drop me an email.

Exactly the same thing happened to me just over a year ago; right down to the blubbing during my appraisal.

I found a job that I could almost do, left and blagged my way through the last 9 months. Trick is is to aim for something you want, not just someone you are 'just about good enough for' - at least it'll be challenge

So Miss S

What WILL make you happy?

Do you know?

Maybe you need to think about this because you are a very talented writer who could make a living very easily.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM YOUR LIFE?

When you have figured it out, get out there and make it happen.

I'm cheering on the side line for you.

I have blubbed in several reviews and even in day to day conversations with my boss about my frustrations with this job. Three years ago, they said, "Do it for three months and then we'll find you something else."

Every time I go on vacation, my replacement takes sick time after I get back because of sheer emotional exhaustion from doing my job. :P

Anyway, friend or not, she had no business commenting so personally. Been there.

And has she no f*cking responsibility as a manager to reinvigorate you?

Shauny, you are not a loser. You just need a new start.

I wouldn't worry about it. Being fucked up is okay and what you're going through is pretty normal. WishI had better things to say but what the hell...it's all fucked up...haha.

Michael

I only came across your blog a few days agao and am already in love with it!! You are a great writer and possibly one of the funniest bloggers alive :-) I had a very similar experience where I broke down and cried not only in front of my boss, but my colleague. **shuddered at the horrid memory **. I am glad you get over this experience! I am still in a rut but am thinking of making the move next year. Keep writing and having fun!