Oh, please don't judge all us American girls based on her! Ick! We're not all sorority girls with weird things to say about people from other countries. What a silly girl.

but AMERICA! god bless america! hehehehe

Was this girl born in a Wal-Mart?!?
Ugh!

hehehe! Oh, I do love it when Americans manage to be unwitting parodies of themselves. And her name! hehehe!

Anyway, glad you've swiftly found somewhere to live, and are having a great time :-D Hope it's a nice house!

AHHHH hahahah!

Thanks for that Shauny. I hope that by the time I have my next child all the good countries wont be taken! I can see it now...I'll be having to name mine Khazbekistan...

wow, she sounds like a real winner. thankfully, most americans aren't actually like that (or at least i know very few that are. but then again, maybe i'm sheltered). anyway, your story reminded me of this freaky girl i knew in high school who did all sorts of nutty things (including giving away $20 bills allegedly as a way to help the economy). when we were seniors she decided to change her name to america. so, her name actually appears in our yearbook as america. sadly, she was kicked out of school before graduation because she was caught smoking pot in the bathroom when she was supposed to be at mass with the rest of us. last i heard about her she was a bike messenger in san francisco and was no longer going by the name america.

Well, the poor thing was doomed from birth, or baptism, or whenever it is they name babies and drop them on their heads.

damn americans

How are you finding all the hills we have here? They still leave me out of breath.

There's a guy I know here in San Francisco whose real name is America as well. So note, it's actually unisex.

Oooh! Oooh! I forgot to express dismay and amusement at America's mention of "scenery". I'd never thought of places like Disneyland as having scenery (except in the Hollywood sense of 'scenery', where it's props and backdrops and stuff). How can anyone "savour the scenery" of Disneyland anyway? Surely it would rot their teeth.

Woo hoo, that made me laugh. Your writing is such a pleasure, Shauna.

I bet they make fun of the guy in San Fran named America, everyone knows it should be Americus for guys, sheeesh!! He's probably well.. you know... foreign.

Great post!!

Ah, but was she America the Beautiful? Or America the Free? Enquiring minds...

I aim a bit lower on the nomenclature scale. Expect my first child to be called Dapto. Or maybe Dorrigo. Or, for that exotic touch, Woy Woy.

Or 'inquiring minds' even. Guh.

Let me explain something about we Americans. First off, unlike the rest of the world, we do not come out of the womb. About 90% of us are born in the bionic hatchery. That small percentage of mothers who have the temerity to offer kiddies through the uterus are immediately executed, per the Suspicious Conscription Act, a followup to the Homeland Security Act, PATRIOT I, and PATRIOT II.

Under the SCA, newborn babies are trained, Pavlov-style, to respond enthusiastically to fragmentary jingles, and to salivate when they hear a can of Coca-Cola opened (for under these new government services, the viscous, teeth-rotting beverage actually replaces milk in the bottle). They are fed a variety of "entertainment news" and "sportscenter" segments and develop associations early on over what kind of information is important. Should a six month old baby burp, fart or show any vague disrespect (whether intended or not) when the images of Nixon, Reagan or any of the Bushes come through on the plasma display, an electric shock is applied.

After nine months, most babies are trained to yawn anytime news, politics or any other important information about government affairs is overheard. They know early on that they probably will not vote or pay attention to current affairs. SCA has optimized the typical American's ability to live in fear, to feel spiteful towards other people because of their heritage or their skin color, and to care, first and foremost, about who remains on in "Survivor."

Some youngsters are known to die through this early orientation period. The parents, paried up through a careful biometric process, however, are rewarded with a Unexpected Fatality Fee with Accompanying Grief Supplemental Charge, should their "child" die.

When SCA was first implemented, a handful of Americans spoke out against this procedure. But under "unilateral legislation," a revolutionary political method introduced in 2005, shortly after George W. Bush was elected for a second term, it was decided that these "anti-Americans" needed to be booted from the island.

The result, then as now, is a fundamentally stupid people at large, with the true oddballs hidden in dusty garrets.

I'm sorry, dear Shauns, that you had to experience a sampling of this terrible majority. The oddballs remain at large and are eager to meet you.

I heard that a U.S. medic helped with the birth of an Iraqi baby today or yesterday and that he then dubbed her "America" – I thought that was strange enough. (No word on whether the mother agreed to name the kid thusly.) Just how common is this?

Who would name their kid America? That's so tacky.

I had no idea that people used that as a name. I would have almost certainly done the exact same thing as you, Shauny. :)

America rebuilt Australia?? When did this happen?

Sounds like you're having an ace time regardless, Australia 1!

Weird. I half-watched some Natalie Portman movie that was on TV the other night and she has a baby and calls it 'Americus'.

I am going to name my first born Burpengary.

I never saw that coming...Her name being America. I have to agree with Rob. Americans are so weird.

Shauna, can you grant me an extention so I can submit my essay on American Culture next week?

Australia, Australia, Australia we love you! This is the most entertaining story I've read in weeks! Cheers from Ottawa!

I went to primary school with a girl called Britannia....

all the teachers would call her "Britney", and she'd have to correct them.

I'm sure she got told she ruled a lot once she got to high school.

Great writing Shauny! =)

Who would name their kid America? Well, obviously, people who didn't know how to raise their daughter without her becoming a self-righteous idiot. They probably realized their mistake at some point in the last few months and threw her out of the country.

Coming right after TC here, I probably shouldn't mention it, but who names their kids LETTERS?

Like JD! JD isn't a name, it's an acronym. I knew a Canadian kid who's name was JR, pronounced 'Juuu-nyurr'. pfft.

C0urse, I see the funny.
"Hey kid, what's your name?"
"JD"
"How do you spell that?"
"Jaaaay..."

hey dude can you email me your new snail mail addy so i can send you this thing that i got for ya before ya left but didn't get a chance to give you??? :)

re the natalie portman movie (where the heart is)... the kid's full name was "Americus Nation" and ashley judds kids were named after candy ie baby ruth, brownie, etc ...

I swear my kids are gonna get common run-of-the-mill kind of names like Kate and Andrew and Rachel...

Hey! This is my first time to visit your site and I have to say...this entry has had me laughing all evening! Keep up the good work! =)

My country-bumpkin hick of a Brother wants to call his daughter Kiandra! Problem is, I thought he was joking and so offered the name Kosciuszko to play along with it.

He took me serious and is now actually considering calling the kid Kosciuszko!!!

Jesus Fucking Christ on a Cross. I am afraid that rich racist Sor Whore represents a portion of Americans, but by no means all, I hope you know. We are a diverse country, but unfortunately all too often the "ambassadors" who have the money for international travel are the rich, white, loud-mouthed ignorant xenophobic assholes whose Daddies could afford to raise them in some suburban bubble away from the "strange people" with darker skin and "funny accents."

Please God tell me I didn't come off as ... American as that girl did. Eesh.

Hehe, classic story Shauny :). I actually knew a girl once called Australia. Her parents called one of their other kids Amnesia (because the mother forgot to take the pill). Glad you're having so much fun!!

I suppose it's a bit like the Australian lager louts.

You been lager louting about yet, Shauny? Heheh.

Your "new friend" sounds like a character out of a medieval morality play where the characters run around with names that represent their allegorical self: ie: hi, my name is vice, or, hi, my name is virtue etc.

I know it's hard to believe, but not all Americans are self-righteous zenophobes...we're just stuck on ourselves.

Ugh. Gotta love us!

Actually, we get a lot of weird names in post-hippy U.S.

I personally know people named Rainbow, Flower, Freedom, Zandar and Tralfaz.

My neighbor just named his kid after some character on Star Trek Deep Space or whatever (I don't watch it, so I forgot the kids name). When he told me the name, it ejected from his pudgy sci-fi fan face with a shaking resonance matching his jowls and floated in the air with due pride at having been clever enough to select that name.

Of course, all of this was only suggested to me. i didn't know that name was supposedly cool until Trav clued me in.

That's an American for ya...mwahaha. I wonder if someone has ever named a child Wagga Wagga.

By the way, I know a guy whose name is James Robert but we just call him JR because we are too lazy to say his whole name.

Well, I did go to school with a Karefree Cheena. Then in high school I met a brother-sister team called Free Spirit and Star of Peace. Talk about hippie parents......Still not sure about calling someone by the name of a country, though.

Morality play, eh? I've been thinking of changing my name to "Lugubrious" for some time...

Nice to meetcha, Lugubrious, just call me "Inebriated".

"Coming right after TC here, I probably shouldn't mention it, but who names their kids LETTERS?"

It's not the parents, it's the kids. For example, someone whose name was, oh, say, "Tavio Cheslav" might be happier referring to himself as "TC".

Not that this has anything AT ALL to do with me, mind you!

Have you ever tried to get any interesting anagrams out of 'Tavio Cheslav'?, TC? :)

Right on man! That's just how I felt at the Tokyo Disneyland. Where did all those Japanese come from? What is with these foreigners? Why do they take up so much space? I hate foreign countries because they are all so filled with all those foreigners.

Actually, they aren't. Sadly for you my friend Australia1--future mother of Lichtenstein and aunt of Buenos Aires--they are often filled with Americans. Often the white non-Japanese, non-Mexican-Americans.

Better luck next time...(Is she the first you've met so far over there?..Maybe my fellow Americans will be scared off by terrorism?)

Or SARS, I spose. You've apparently travelled at the right time, too, miss S; the travel industry's meant to be taking a big nose-dive now thanks to this whole PLANES OF SNIFFLY DEATH thing.

Inebriated? Delighted! We must combine our powers of intoxication and laziness.

I have no excuse, letter-wise. I just don't like being called Marybeth. Something about having a double first name...and having lived in a mobile home for a good chunk of my life...I dunno, I don't want to seem any more white-trashy than I really am.

It could be worse I suppose. I could have been called New Zealand - I've been called much worse!

Then there's plenty or worse ones - like Laos, or Nepal (a range of possible bad puns), or Madagascar.

There's a few other places that could cause a fight or two.

I suppose it engenders an interest in geography though.

Scott F.

Dude, I wonder what Amerigo Vespucci's parents were thinking of, to name him after a country.

I'm joking.

heh. excellent story. what amazes me is that you didnt recieve a single flame for your entry shauna! in canada these days, if we even sneeze the wrong way at something (or someone) american, we get chastised to no end!

God, I can't bear them. Must they travel?

My first child.
'Phucket'

Augh, that pathetic rich girl! It's getting so I almost wanna disquise my country.

I'm an Arizonan. I'm not an American. Oh well, I am. But we're not all that bad. Really!

Talk about your coincidental timing - this was in Saturday's Guardian:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,3605,928833,00.html

This is, like, the quickest and wickedest way to make your daughter "Miss America." ; )
Imagine you call your daughter "World" and your son "Universe"... you could have, like, instant stars.
(I am, like, so mean right now... sorry...)

Wait, there used to be this guy called Amerigo Vespucci, how must he feel these days, they, like, misspelled his name and stuff. But those were the Italians, or something. Whatever...
; )

Did Rhi start singing "We come from the land down-under" in reference to her being named after a yacht. I'm ... um ... making an oblique reference to that race that happened 20 years ago, I can't even remember the name of it. The yacht race that we won on Australia 2 with John Bertram and Bob Hawke called all bosses bums ... Though I do remember the winged keel: The Americas Cup?

What am I going on about? That girl America is a bit of a sorry case to say the least. But just imagine what her parents must be like ... egad.

Ha. Shoot her quick! (I'm kidding)
Sadly people like her do exist. I guess all anyone can do really is ignore them.

ur a fucking bitch, hurray for Americans!

oy, i don't blame people for labeling us 'stupid americans' when there are chicks like that roaming the world.

i hope you take advantage of the next situation like this to shamelessly harrass and insult the person - someone has to teach them some manners. some of us (fewer and fewer each day I think) over here are still sane...

When I had my daughter (in Dallas, TX), one of the OB nurses told me that they had been suggesting names to a mother that didn't speak english. She was from Mexico, and she wanted an American name for her daughter. The nurses suggested "Labia" or "Female" (fem-AH-lay). And she chose Labia.

God. Can you imagine the neuroses later in life??

g"day im shaun, and im aussie, and i want to hook up with jo, i think that our babyies mothers and dadies sons mothers is happy now so im gonna goes but dont forget my love that i sent to this world, yes ok, but im still waiting.........................bie babe

dude don't swear

dude don't swear

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

Hi everyone.... I'm Amerigo, an italian guy... From Florence.... you don't know what curse is to have this name....