Where's The Love?

I woke up when I heard the mournful cry of a harpooned whale. Actually it was the sound of a flatmate approaching orgasm. Then suddenly she was bellowing impatiently "C'mon! C'mon! C'mooonnnn! C'MON!", followed by a quick and cranky smacking sound.

You know when you have a bottle of tomato sauce (ketchup) and it just won't come out, so you tip the bottle up and smack the end of it? Hello tomato sauce, are you in there? Sure that is a pretty frustrating thing to happen. But bash it around like that and you're headed for trouble. Maybe she was just trying to be encouraging but it sounded pretty mean. Whatever butters your muffin, I guess.

So there's my sleep-in ruined. It's the 1st of November. It's my birthday, dammit.

| | Posted in Tits and Arse | Comments (66)

 

Comments

1 · Eeksy-Peeksy said:

Happy Birthday!

2 · Eeksy-Peeksy said:

(An-ti-ci-pa-a-tion...)

3 · Monkey said:

Happy Birthday, Shaunymunchkin!!! There'll be phone calls just as soon as we're sure you're home. Love you!

4 · jen said:

I just happened to stumble across your blog, but just had to give my two cents. Okay, I have no two cents since my brain has collpased after working the night shift, but I beleive I do have enough energy to type out two words - Happy Birthday. Many many many congrats! Hope you got a pair of earplugs from your roommate. Or tranquilizers :)

/one roommate to another.

5 · jen again. said:

Right, I forgot to say- You rock. Bookmarked your blog for good.

6 · Frankenstein said:

Happy Birthday!

7 · mig said:

Happy birthday, Shauna.

8 · shauny said:

thank youu... i love you i love you i love you

monkey and mattay called me! they are ever so kind.

i miss you people. miss you so much.

9 · Jessica said:

Audible early (at least for a Saturday) morning smacking is so very very clearly against the rules. I hope she got you something nice. Either way, I'm pretty sure you have license to party like a rock star tonight, already, as it's your frickin' birthday woohooo. One doesn't like to suggest revenge strategies, but come on: this is no time to be polite. So make a note of the morning transgression, and issue yourself a party-like-a-rockstar credit, to be redeemed when it might most inconvenience said surly smacker.

xoxoxo
and 26 (appropriately timed and only with music to drown them out) spanking-strokes

10 · Doug said:

Happy Birthday!

Gee ... noisy flatmates can absolutely suck @$$.

But wow, she must really like tomato sauce.

Or am I too innocent to be getting the point here?

11 · Svarit said:

"Breaking the ends off green beans with your grandmother is a charming memory unless you did it for an entire summer while your friends were at the public pool learning how to kiss with their eyes closed."

Dunno what that has to do with your birthday but I figured I could contribute a laugh or two as a present. Happy Birthday Shauna! Keep the laughs coming ;)

12 · Scott said:

Happy Birthday dear Shaunybabe. Hope you have a great day (think it's almost over for you now)!

13 · Dee said:

Maybe that was your present from your flatmate? She gave you something to write about :)

Happy Birthday!

14 · TJ said:

Happy Birthday Shauny! Come home to Canberra soon. The others all miss you very very much, and I'm dying to meet you. I think I was about two weeks too late last time.

(And slap your flatmate over the head. Her muffin's buttered, already!)

15 · Missjenjen said:

Girl, you need to do some serious work on your housemate mating mojo!! That tomato sauce bottle imagery ... eeeeeewwwwwww.

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :)

16 · mb said:

Happy birthday, Miss S.

17 · Jack Spratt said:

Who r0Xors? Shauny r0Xors. Happy birthday hon!

18 · pippa said:

Happy Birthday Lady Shauny!

the most interesting sex encouragement i've had the misfortune to hear was:

[actually i can't really write it down.]

19 · meme said:

Your blog is hysterical

20 · Shaun said:

I cut your hair yesterday and loved the feeling of running my fingers through your ginger locks. Have a hairy birthday babe!

21 · Old Dear said:

Have a bonnie birthday, hen. If you find my purse anywhere, can ye flush it mah way?

22 · Cap'n Caveman said:

Lean into that broom, Shauna. Even I can't break it. You see that? That's no way to teach curling.

23 · Bruce said:

Borrrrrrrrnnnnnnn on this very day, you were borrrrrrnnnn on this very dayyyyyy!

24 · Your Aorta said:

Feed me lard.

25 · Witold Riedel said:

(Happy Birthday, dear Shauny!)

26 · rona said:

happy birthday!!

27 · pawz said:

hope your birthday was fabulous in the end!

28 · Sarah said:

Happy Birthday (Yesterday)!!! I hope it was awesome.

29 · Alegna said:

Happy birthday Shauny!

30 · Luke said:

And I missed it! I am scum. (Actually, I was on-an-island-and-not-in-range-of-net scum, but scum nonetheless.)

Hope it was a good one, chook! Happiest, happiest birthday!

31 · Scotty said:

BUTTERED MUFFIN! EWWWWW DOUBLE ENTENDRE (sic) EWWWWWWW.

HAPPY birthday Shauny.

I could pen you a Bono/Mothership - esque sonnet but i'm too busy with uni study!

HAPPY BDAY!

32 · Rob said:

Happy Birthday! :)

33 · Kristen said:

Happy, happy birthday Shauna! Hope you had a great day. Take care and stay warm!

34 · Snorks said:

Hmmm, bugger, missed your birthday, hoped it was great. Love the blog.

35 · momo said:

Happy belated birthday, gorgeous!

36 · Dave said:

Happy Belated also - you are fantastic! xo

37 · genewolf said:

Hippo Birdy for the 1st...
I was in hospital on my birthday...
:)

38 · coralie said:

happy birthday, shauny! :-D

39 · Graham said:

Holy crap. It's four days later and I've only just realised it was your birthday on Satdy. Oh well, this will make up for all the times I was a day _early_. Cheers!

And be thankful your flatmate wasn't in the bunk below you.

40 · Jim said:

Happy belated!

41 · Crystalline said:

Happy Birthday, Shauna!! :)

42 · billyjoebob said:

happy birthday to you

happy birthday to you

you live in another country

but i guess i once did too


lots of love to you from someone who's been reading this damn thing from right around the year dot.

we miss you shauny, when are you coming home?

43 · shauny said:

thanks! you are all lovely.

and it was a fucking brilliant birthday, i must say.

who left that 'Shaun' comment? was that you monkey? you funny bastard.

billyjoe, i'm not coming home til they kick me out. April 2005 at the earliest. and thanks you for reading for so long :)

44 · Alice said:

hAPPY (oops) Happy birthday!!
Hope you had fun.

I suggest you hide an alarm clock under your flatmate's bed, set to go off at 3 a.m. :) Share the pain.

45 · Braddles said:

Ok, it's uber late, but happy b'day. I wasn't near a puter to do it before hands sorry.

46 · Monkey said:

Twasn't me, hen. I'd blame naughty Witold, I would.

47 · Hot Soup Girl said:

Happy birthday, Shauny. I like you enormously.

48 · TC said:

Happy Birthday, dammit!

49 · Miel said:

Yeah man I missed it! Happy birthday! Happy late birthday.

I don't know. You got a good laugh first thing in the morning...I guess that's something.

But I do want to know what the smacking sound was--did she pop the guy/gal? one because of failure of follow through?

50 · Dorable said:

Belated birthday wishes. I hope you have an awesome year, and write all about it, because you've got one of the best blogs I've seen.

51 · erika said:

Happy Birthday! Hope it was great!

52 · Jen said:

Did you draw the cat?

53 · Anonymous said:

Also, Happy Birthday

54 · vlado said:

Wishing you (belatedly) a very Happy Birthday.

I used to tell a joke about a woman wanting to give her husband anything he wanted for his birthday, and he requested a "hand job". Being somewhat naive and innocent she had to ask a work college how to perform said act and was informed that it was easy and all she had to do was practice on a bottle of ketchup.... you can see where this is going can't you.

55 · Graham said:

Hmm, you've got a place staked out for the Wallabies vs Scotland quarter-final for Saturday morning GMT? It could get ugly, heh.

56 · Anton said:

Happy Birthday, kiddo (yeah, I'm still alive)

When faced with the conudrum of reluctant ketchup, I usually resort to sticking the ass end of a fork up its end.

That image, of course, comes with the disclaimer "Do not try this at home"

57 · David (TEFL Smiler) said:

Happy Belated!

58 · Nomadic* said:

Happy belated Birthday.

Fantastic Post!

Unfortunatly I am having trouble looking at Tomato Sauce.

59 · rzan said:

Woah. Sounds more like frustrated hanging by a thread trying for an orgasm that just won't quite cum...

Not that I'd know anything about that.

Yikes, the catsup bottle image is a howler.

Happy birthday you amazing funny woman.

60 · Slack said:

BITHDAY!?!? CRAP!

I get sick for a few days and it went right out of my head...

Happy Birthday (late though I may be!)

61 · Eeksy-Peeksy said:

Or did the cat draw you?

62 · shauny said:

i stole the picture! i'm an evil thieving skankface. ooh er.

shit, i really should post again before y'all abandon me...

63 · shauny said:

oh man, i only just noticed the Bruce comment. Bwahahhaha

64 · Dave said:

Well you can see you are not being abandoned, but please post anyway, the withdrawal pains are horrible! And Happy Birthday! I usually celebrate for a week or two, so its not even terribly belated.

65 · SJ said:

Now we're both old. :P

66 · Helen said:

Happy belated birthday!

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about this entry

Where's The Love? was published on November 1, 2003.

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